I Can't Get Over How Bad It Looks When Godzilla and King Kong Move

A few thoughts on 'Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.'

Not too long ago, I watched a video that helped me understand the world around us. It’s by legendary YouTube channel Kurzgesagt and it explains why things are the size they are.

In short, it’s about the surface-area-to-volume ratio. As creatures get larger, the ratio of their surface area (AKA their skin) in relationship to their volume decreases, meaning they are less able to dissipate heat. So the larger a creature is, the slower it usually moves to prevent overheating. This is why an elephant’s heart might only beat 30 times per minute while a chipmunk’s heart can beat 350 times per minute, no problem.

I think our minds inherently understand this concept because we see it in action in the world around all the time. When something is massive, it moves more slowly, and therefore it is often more purposeful and deliberate in how it moves.

I couldn’t help but think about this concept as I watched the Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire in theaters this weekend and nothing quite looked right when Godzilla or King Kong were on screen.

Look, I’m not some kind of bizarre Godzilla or King Kong purist. I understand there’s not necessarily one way for these characters to move. After all, these characters have long, rich histories and they’ve been depicted via techniques from stop motion all the way through to a guy wearing a suit and fighting other guys in suits (in the video below, it’s legendary Japanese stuntman Haruo Nakajima who plays Godzilla) .

While these movies are classic and groundbreaking, there’s also a charm to the way they used the technology of their day to tell the story of these characters.

But with the advent of modern day CG, it became possible to render these characters in a way that felt like it accurately reflected their mass and scale. This is probably most evident in Gareth Edwards 2014 entry into the MonsterVerse, Godzilla. The teaser trailer for that film (still one of my all-time favorites) gives you a sense that there’s something awe-inspiring and almost holy about confronting a creature of this size. The below video compiles all 8 minutes that Godzilla actually appears in his own film and the same idea is conveyed.

All of this is just to say: I’m only comparing Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire to earlier films in its own franchise and by that measure, The New Empire completely destroys any physical relationship these creatures have to the world around them. Firstly, most of The New Empire doesn’t even take place on Earth as we know it. Instead, the action takes place on Hollow Earth, a place on the interior of the Earth that can be reached via portals on our surface. It turns out there’s an unidentified signal in Hollow Earth that’s causing Godzilla to figure out ways to absorb more power, so a colorful cast o characters led by Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall) go down to investigate.

Physics doesn’t really work the same on Hollow Earth and there are tons of other creatures around, so Godzilla and King Kong don’t spend too much time around actual humans. That’s a shame because one of the pleasures of these MonsterVerse films is seeing how humans deal with the presence of these creatures in our society and literally just seeing how big they are in relation to us.

But the bigger issue is that when we watch these creatures move around, it just… doesn’t seem like we’re seeing skyscraper-sized beings? Like, I don’t think they would actually just sprint like they’re in the 100-meter dash?

Fights with Godzilla and Kong in The New Empire feel completely devoid of any connection to our conception of physics or reality. These creatures pretty much move as though they were the size of humans, with the same reaction time and reflexes. As a result, for most of the film, I feel like I’m just watching CG shit smash into other CG shit. At no point do I believe I’m witnessing anything even remotely real.

The rest of the movie isn’t too much better. The human characters have virtually no identifying characteristics among them, save for Jia (Kaylee Hottle), a character from the last movie whose connection to Kong actually gives this movie some much-needed emotional grounding. The most intriguing subplot involves King Kong and a young giant ape named Suko, whose relationship develops intriguingly and wordlessly throughout the film. But the movie doesn’t spend enough time on it, instead choosing to immerse us in ever more Godzilla lore and rushing us off to increasingly outlandish battles. The weightlessness of these enormous creatures is reflected in the weightlessness of the story: nothing really feels like it means anything, nor do the stakes feel particularly high.

At the end of the day, do any of my nonsensical ramblings on this subject matter? Nah. The movie is a massive hit and critics seem to like it as well. And if this is the direction that these movies are going in, who am I to stand in the way of progress? But these days, it’s incredibly easy to watch CG things punching other CG things at the movie theater. It’s much harder to make those things seem weighty and real, and I’m a bit sad that it feels like The New Empire didn’t even really try.

---

Other Stuff Dave Chen Has Made

• On Decoding TV, Patrick Klepek and I discussed what we thought about the first few episodes of Netflix’s 3 Body Problem (Patrick is enjoying it, while I’m much more skeptical). We’re also continuing our coverage of Shogun, which for my money is still the best show on TV right now.

• On The Filmcast, we discussed Doug Liman’s new Road House remake. Read my review here.

• On my Instagram and Tiktok, I unboxed my new 49” ultrawide monitor (on which I’m writing this very post). I’ve tried a bunch of different monitor configurations and I’ve come to the conclusion: ultrawide is the way I want to live whenever possible.

davechensky

A post shared by @davechensky

• [PAID ONLY] On my personal Patreon page, I discussed my recent adventures into podcast advertising with @joyonapping. I also chatted with Dave Cho about the ups and downs of launching a new startup. If you enjoy this newsletter, becoming a Patreon supporter is the best way to support me right now. Thanks to everyone who makes my work possible.